What Dogs Can Teach You about Love and Leadership

I recently spoke to a lovely lady about dog training. This lady said to me: “You know, Mia, dogs are a reflection of their owners.”

This insight created a huge shift for me. Despite the knowledge that relationships mirror our inner world, I had not, until now, explored this principle when it came to me and my dogs. For about five years I have had two loving canine companions by my side: my girl Ziggy – feisty, sensitive and extroverted, and my boy Frodo – quiet, intelligent and protective. Alice’s comment caused me to ponder my evolving relationship with these fantastic creatures. I came to realise that dogs are a barometer of one’s abilities as a leader and nurturer.

I recall a defining moment back in 2007, when a dog trainer asked me to gently maneuver Ziggy into the ‘drop’ position. As I attempted this, Ziggy signaled her refusal by squealing. I immediately recoiled. The dog trainer said “you need to exert more authority over your dogs, Mia, otherwise they won’t do as you want.” I was taken aback; I did not think it was appropriate to ‘make’ my dogs do anything.

I have since realised that leadership need not conflict with showing love to my dogs. With my newfound understanding, I devised this model (drawn on a napkin in a coffee shop one crisp morning) which shows how authority and love can actually co-exist nicely, and how one without the other can make a dog owner come undone. The vertical axis represents the opposing states of Leadership and Anarchy, and the opposing qualities of Fear and Love are represented on the horizontal axis.

The Spoilt Dog

Dog owners who have limited authority over their dogs but love their dogs are represented by quadrant B. These dogs are generally pampered, but disobedience can be a problem.

The Insecure Dog

Dog owners who have no authority over their dogs and fail to provide sufficient comfort to their dogs are represented by quadrant C. These dogs are generally insecure, lonely and disobedient.

The Fearful Dog

Dog owners who are consistent, harsh and show their dogs little affection are represented by the quadrant D. These dogs are generally obedient, but only out of fear.

The Obedient & Secure Dog

Dog owners who are consistent with their rules and show their dog love are represented by quadrant A. Love and Leadership are in equilibrium and their dogs are generally obedient, secure and comfortable.

Dogs understand leadership in terms of respect and hierarchy – be consistent with obedience and behave like your dog’s boss, that is, eat before your dog, walk ahead of your dog and ensure your dog does tasks for you. This, coupled with showing love by providing your dog with comfort and affection, is the type of relationship where an owner truly realises their own potential as an effective leader and balanced nurturer.

My dogs have gradually become more obedient, secure and happy since I have grown as a leader and nurturer and I am grateful for their loyalty and patience!

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About the Author

Mia Montagliani, known by her clients as "The Aussie Dog Whisperer", is a highly sought after expert in dog training. Discover how you can apply the same techniques as professional dog trainers to improve your dog's behaviour by downloading Mia's complimentary dog training guides and video. Don't forget to follow Mia on Facebook.